Hi. It's almost been a year. I haven't been sure when I would come back here, whether I should let the time pass until I felt like I was truly ready or if i should dive back in. I'm taking the time now that I feel like I'm ready.

As you can imagine, more things have come and passed than I could ever neatly describe here, and that's okay. One of the things that has stopped me is being unsure how to tackle any of it. I can try and bite size some of it down though... Being like "hi I'm back now" and then dropping insane unexplained details is not at all helpful. I have no doubt I'll have to explain more later on when the context is needed, but this should serve as a general overview. An explanation.

First off, it's taken me a horrific amount of time to come to terms with what has happened to me (or "us"... I will explain) since I was last posting here. If you know the last entry posted here, you know the details. I honestly have no desire to explain everything that happened (that I haven't already stated) as it's too private/personal, or just not appropriate. And, of course, I don't owe anyone an explanation. It's here and now, and I've only recently been able to pull away from the aforementioned horrors, but the scars do, and will remain.

So... about that "us" huh? I'll explain that, and it's gonna take me a minute. (Some details are still blurry to me, and I'm not sure when/if they ever will be clear to me again, and that's okay.) After I was dragged out of the mud by my friends, something sort of clicked, I guess. I felt a shift in something that's always been there, working in the background and keeping us alive. Someone was there, and they were resentful and hurt. They were reclusive to our small developing internal group, and wanted to shut down any advances from the outside world trying to peer in. This was Spro. Spro had to hold the brunt of the abuse I experienced along side me.

This might sound insane if you're not versed in "plurality." I don't blame you of course, but I implore anyone to go out and do their research. I heavily recommend Pluralpedia as a place to look.

Before Spro, we had other members. They were too small and blurry, though. Too afraid to show their faces when we were being brushed off or outright ignored as if we were "making up things that weren't there." Even with the support of other developing collectives around us, we grew weak and were easily prone to collapse. Spro was the opposite of this. After the panic and the tears and the nightmares, Spro held onto the pure spite and disgust that laid deep in our stomach. Tried to hold onto and keep the memories from the rest of us and the time. In a way, he still does. It recently took another one of us rediscovering the previous journal entry here, and reading through it to remember all the details we had to block out for the sake of our health. I still respect and honor Spro, even if he's no longer with us, and others have had to take up similar space. Unfortunately, the hurt he felt ran too deep, and he didn't feel like we were safe. Everyone around us was still a threat ready to take advantage of us. As sad at it is, the brain does what it does and Spro was shattered.

Those days have come and gone now, of course. Many have passed through to help, or have stayed to live life with us. We have about 16 members at this point, and we're much more stable than we used to be. I can't express how much everyone means to me. I don't know what I do without them. I honestly hope this place can serve as a diary and a place of solace to them as well, not just me. For this reason, I hope to now end entries with a marker of who is speaking, just to keep track of who's come through to say what. :) I can start us off.

- Cass 🚫🎧

What if there’s no ethical way to have unlimited access to every book, film, and record ever created? And moreover, what if that’s not something we should want?

What if we simply decided to consume less media, allowing us to have a deeper appreciation for the art we choose to spend our time with? What if, instead of having an on-demand consumer mindset that requires us to systematically strip art of all its human context, we developed better relationships with creators and built new structures to support them? What if we developed a politics of refusal — the ability to say enough is enough — and recognized that we aren’t powerless to the whims of rich tech CEOs who force this dystopian garbage down our throats while claiming it’s “inevitable?”

Tapes and other physical media aren’t a magic miracle cure for late-stage capitalism. But they can help us slow down and remember what makes us human. Tapes make music-listening into an intentional practice that encourages us to spend time connecting with the art, instead of frantically vibe-surfing for something that suits our mood from moment-to-moment. They reject the idea that the point of discovering and listening to music is finding the optimal collection of stimuli to produce good brain chemicals.

A cat adopts Jill, in canon typical fashion.

On an island in the middle of the sea stands a massive maze known as the "Yggdrasil Labyrinth", which has been attracting adventurers from all over the world for years.
No one knows how deep it goes, or if there's anything at its end.

Some say there's a treasure of immeasurable value hidden within, while others claim the remnants of a lost civilization lie there.

In the game you'll play as Nyx, a young adventurer who joins the guild of Talrega with the goal of unraveling the Labyrinth's mysteries.

But something goes terribly wrong…

I already recced my fave Heated Rivalry fic on Day 5 when I focused on hockey romance more broadly, but since Heated Rivalry has taken over fandom by storm, I thought some more recs would go down well. Everything is Shane/Ilya because duh. Also, they were written before the show, but since the show is such a faithful adaptation of the book, it shouldn't be a problem.

Ilya Rozanov Gets Railed by GlitterCity 13K

“You didn’t like it the last time we tried it,” Shane said.

Ilya gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Was years ago. Maybe it is an acquired taste, like licorice.”

“You also don’t like licorice,” Shane pointed out.

“Yes, but I keep trying it because Luca likes it so much.”

“And then you make a face and tell him how awful it is.”

“When have I ever told you your dick is awful?” Ilya said, looking mildly offended. “I am its number one fan.” I kinda dislike the title because while there's of course quite a lot of smut in this, what makes this story is the amazing characterisation and the fantastic banter (see the quote). Podfic available!

you'd rather die than take your eyes off me by princebutt. 6K, Ilya is in a car accident. Shane hurries to be by his side, and outs them in the process. Set during the year Ilya is playing for Boston. AU.

there's no pretending by moonsock. 13 K. The term, he’s told, is temporary retrograde amnesia. Ilya doesn’t need the direct translation to understand: he forgot things. Ten years of things.

The Pitt

singing in unison by dotsayers. AU. Gen. Leah's sick the night before Pittfest. Robby gets his ticket back. I love a good ensemble piece. And an AU. Two of my fave things rolled in one.